Ambition

I am 35 years old and not get where I want to be,
Always in depression, always throwing a pity party,
often seems like excuses, I am full,
As there is always a obstacle.
The main thing that I know that I am doing wrong,
Is waiting for my friends to help me along.
Why I do this, when I've always known,
That to be successful, I must do this alone.
The time is now to make my dreams my mission.
And to be led by my own life's ambition.

These are a few of my favorite things

Octopus, cheesecake, facial massage, neck massage, shoulder massage, orchid, purple, lime green, soft, sweet, pineapple pizza white sauce, chicken brockli alfraido, turquoise, Jade, Amber, silver, tribal, steampunk, big straight white teeth, cuddling, vanilla, almond oil, documentaries, road trips, traveling, camping, hiking, blue glass, strawberry banana, strawberry kiwi, pink Floyd, bellbottoms, platform shoes/boots, Aliens, ancient cultures, theology, Egypt, mesopotamia, Peru, Dubstep, cello, theremin, didgeridoo, violin, dreadlocks, long hair, kisses, Black googly eyes gold fish, peanut butter cups, Oreo cookie mint ice cream, cherry sent, tree house, mountains, rivers, snorkeling, sex, mutual obsession, sensuality, completing of tasks, goals, poetry, horse back rideing, working out, yoga, rollerblading, bicycling, Denver, art, plays, extreme personalities, Communication, calmness, nature, music, sacred geometry, spirals, Nautilis, productivity, Boston cream pie, eclairs, grapes, learning, 20s - 60s music, dancing, staff, 

Humanities hand

Running, swimming flying free.

Becoming the air, trees and sea. 

Soaring above to see all.

To learn of our beginning, growth and fall. 

A species with amnesia and a false face.

Living in separation as the human race. 

Sometimes all we wish is to left be. 

When what we need is unity.

So no matter The trials and tribulations that life's demand.

Just remember always, you have my hand. 

Simple crazy

I wish it would not be so hard, for things that come so easy. 

Things that may seem simple to some, can make others crazy.

Loves scars

We can fight till we are blue, but if we do all I want is to be free of you.

You make my brain hazy, and drive me crazy.

The scars on my arms reminds me of you.

What makes me

As these words are my arsenal, I often feel they are too personal. 

To put my pen to paper, 

to calligraphy out of my mind vapor. 

When I get in the zone, and wish to be alone, for it is my desire for these feelings to outgrown. 

Wish my words would make me free, rather than flee, and if my emotions could leave me be, would you still know what it is that makes me?

Bit off more than you can chew

It seems you never desire to be with me,

After you go out and party.

So should I just gauge my time with you,

Too when I know you devotion is true?

My feelings are intense, I try not to smother.

Yours diminish, after you are with another.

And although this is what I say.

I am aware that is not always this way.

It sucks for me to not be able to be free, 

from these emotions and my insecurities.

to you I do not feel I am being fair, 

I often wish I simply did not care.

I dread how thin I have felt spread, 

as I lay in this bed alone in my head.

I wish I could free myself from my own insanity,

And simply live off your past security.

I am half a prude, and half a lewd, 

for these feelings protrude and my desires can be rude.

When I get in this mood, I suppose I wish to be pursued, it hurts to exclude, my heart is naked as my body is nude.

I prey these feelings will stray for my insecurities I wish not to make you pay, so I simply walk away.

You see, this is inside me, I must learn how to change this belief, so when this occurs, please, don't take it personally.

I try not to make a peep as a weep so outside I will creep, this is my problem, I will let you sleep.

For this blue hue over my eyes is true, I continue moving to not stew, I do this because I care about you.

With communication I am equipped, 

This is something you need in any relationship. 

I often will tell you outright, I'm not one to simply give hints.

Just seems I constantly need, reassurance.

I wish to discreetly count sheep, but my insomnia does creep, only with absolute comfort and security will I be able to sleep. 

And it's true I knew that this could hurt you,

I have warned you that perhaps you have bit off more than you can chew.

Midnight walk

Often it would give others quite a fright. 

To walk nude through this quiet night.

It will be here that I am found. 

With the quiet breeze, as the earth sleeps sound.

I have a notion to walk to the ocean, with glowing skin in slow motion.

To this reality we become slaves, and you I wish to save, to slowly release you into the waves.

For I know with this connectedness, my fabric does glow.

And although I reep what sew, these feelings still grow. As from above same as below, I desire to be as the water and go with the flow. 

I wish not to take pray so I try to stay, and sometimes I hate that I am this way.

But without being embraced, I try to pace and not leave this place, but I often just want to walk away.

I try to be quiet, for I might want to take flight into the night in and write. 

My body may disappear out right, and I'm not uptight, If I do this, I want you to know that I am alright.

There will always be forewarning, for these feelings have been storing. Although I am yearning for comforting, with my walk and my self motivating talk I will be fine by morning.

Too much to ask

Is there a crime and wishing to be desired?

You wish to sleep and I am wired.

I desire it not hurt to this degree.

all I want is for you to at least, hold me.

I constantly get sucked back into your charms.

And often I get lost in your arms.

And I know it's a start, you have given me a part.

But you still hold back, much of your heart.

It hurts that these feelings run so deep.

That my excitement when I lay next to you will not allow me to sleep.

From a slight crush, this has grew. 

I just want to experience all of you.

When you lay next to me, I am giddy as a child.

My feelings have always been intense, never mild.

And although games I wish not to play,

I often wonder how long would it take you to notice, if I walked away. 

My apologies that if two depression I am prone. 

A trigger is if you do not hold me, I feel alone. 

Perhaps the amount of attention I need becomes much of a task.

I wish to feel constantly desired, is that too much to ask?

Bad timing

Why won't you be intimate with me? 

Is it because you just had sex previously?

Or because you were to sleepy?

Do you have the desire? Or is it just bad timing?

My apologies if I get up and leave,

I don't want to I hope you believe.

I try to not take it personally.

But it becomes difficult when rejection I perceive.

And although I wish to stay and talk,

You are sleeping so I go on my walk.

I use the restroom in the house for it is not locked. 

And I walk in on another rideing your cock.

Is it bad that I am trying?

Should I allow it to continue dying?

It hurts because for you I continue painting.

Is it just me? Or bad timing?