Abilities of completion

One difficulty that I have always maintained throughout my life is the inability to create without peers.  Also with this I am in a constant state of seeking a mentor. Which I have yet to find one. I feel much as a creative child abandoned by my prolific artistic parents.  Forever seeking individuals to further my understanding of not only myself, my constant prolific needs, but also the ability to succeed. I am aware that life is a journey, and no matter to what level of success we gravitate to, their perhaps is always a unsettling feeling that we could accomplish more. Perhaps an individual such as myself is never meant to be satisfied. But this being said I am fully aware that I am far from encompassed my full ability at the age I have now reached. I have allowed certain aspects of my life to control and divert my path. I now perhaps later then a could have, am finally waking up and wiping the fog from my eyes. My mind has always been a constant treadmill of information and desires. Constantly aware that any ability that Eyeview I could accomplish. And this desire to accomplish constantly has fueled my every action. My need to be busy, has perhaps overwhelmed my need to be properly productive. There are two aspects that have been holding me back, one of which is that I need peers/mentors to work with/in Spier. The second of which is my sense of instability in my life. That things that I create could be lost in time by damage or the inability to store or probably maintain larger projects. I need not to think this way, but yet still to create. Social media devours much of my creative mentality. I utilize my time to communicate with others rather than be productive. I have recently become true to this realization, and now because I am aware I am able to redirect my path. I have realize that I have a constant need to be active and if my activity is directed towards promotion or communication that need for activity is fed. But not for field. I am only for filled if my time is being utilized with productivity that can then be viewed for hundreds of years. My desire to create is fueled by my fear of being forgotten. I feel that I have too much to offer individuals not only with my words or my art, but also with my full mentality and avenues of creative attack.

I often catch myself becoming inspired by most everything around me. Then perhaps wishing to re-create the feelings or emotions by that thus have inspired me. Because this is such a regular feeling, and so diverse and its completion, I often do not act on these feelings. And because of this I am in a constant state of unrest for lack of completion of things that ID possible for my being. I now at age 34 am rising to an apex of change in my perception of accomplishments and how to direct my attention to complete such tasks. Focus has always been an issue, I admire those individuals who have but yet one desire to complete my main desire is to complete everything. A mass intellect of creativity and communication and most every realm possible. I become inspired, my heart pounds, my eyes water and the excitement rises to a level when I know, not think, but know that I could not only do that which inspires me, but do perhaps a better job. But then I digress, for I do not, and then I am no better than just another talker with big dreams but not acting on them.

I have always seen life's accomplishments as three barrels of water child on top of each other. Floating in space with only a fourth of an inch separating them. No top, no bottom, but simply filled to the Gill with water and no gravitational pull to leak the water from one barrel to the next. I have always felt that I am in the bottom barrel. And now within the last few years at the top of the bottom barrel in a constant state of trying to seek ways to leave this space between to the middle barrel. And I for the first time now feel that I am aware of how to make the transition from the barrel that I now reside in to the next dimension. And it is something simple that I have always known before, however the realize Asian of the veil being removed from my eyes makes the ability to do so that more much more in evitable. I must remove the obstacles that ale me. The need for peers and mentors and the fear of in a stability. With this I will have the ability to actually, just do it. I already have a head up on many of my peers, I have the great ideas, but now to graduate to the next barrel, I must act on them. And that is my change of attention.  my focus will be on completion, although previously seemed a simple task and of which I was aware, always seemed just out of my reach of abilities. However now, I am able.