The ride

The ride

God, sometimes I don't feel you are on our side.
I realize that you tried,
Was it a matter of pride when you decide
to apply the divide between a man and his bride.

It was beautiful that you made the endless sky
and that you provide the oceans tied,
but why would you make the mothers cry
as they watch their babies die?
Why would you give us language as a guide
but then slide in the ability to lie?

I do not mean to brush aside,
all the things that you provide,
you see this feeling will not subside
that you have given us freedom implied,
however still our hands are tied,
for although everything is within your eyes
we cannot deny that by your hand we collide,
So I wonder why you would sit beside and allow genocide.
We would apply the tools you supply
to destroy anyone distant or nearby.

You have given us the power inside
to open our mind wide
and with our beauty of arts and music we stride.
Still we find we collide with judgments that bind
the beauties and follies of mankind.

It is true that you supplied and have provided
us with everything we need worldwide,
please don't think we don't appreciate our prayer,
but when we confide do you hear?
Or do you hide and not care?

Did you forget about us? Where we left behind?
Are you def and blind? Or do you just not mind that you have designed
something that could be refined
however is still inclined towards the dark corners of the mind.
You see we plea to be free from this insanity and negativity,
we are at your mercy.
If you do not like what you see and find in mankind,
will you just once again
bury us in the mud of a flood with high tide?

We live in fear that you are not there.
If we are your design, it would be fair that as our guide
please reminded us, with this pain that resides,
can be too much to bear, so is there a plan?
Or are we just along for the ride?

Complete Control

Complete control


January 23

Oh I want him so much, 
all I desire is his touch.
I want him to hold me 
and I want him to bind me,
I only wish to hide 
so he can find me.
There is no other love like his. 
No other caress, no other kiss. 
I want to conquer, 
I want to ride, 
I beg for him to go deep inside.
Are moans are the only sound,
as he flips me around and hold me down.
I will give him my mind body and soul. 
Only to him I will give complete control.

My eyes

My eyes
January 23
When he came into my life, it was a surprise.
For he is my twin, he has my eyes.
When we are together it's absolute bliss.
I crave the caress of his fingers and the smell of his kiss. 
For the only thing that we truly fear.
Is the day when the other is not in near.
But to live in this fear is to not enjoy the present.
We do not fully let go because we are hesitant.
How could it be this way as such,
If we truly love each other this much?

Poem - Obsession

Poem - Obsession 

Monday, January 19th, 2015

When I was a raised wild, riled, child I never had a clue of your fun.
You were in plays, ballets and often in cafés, it's true, I would watch your perfection.
Although you made me lay a smile, 
I never knew too much of what you've done.
In a blaze I saw that you where the glue that compiled many crews devotion.

I offered little but you always repaid as if the future you knew not to shun, 
but to me at that time you were a mild haze hue that had yet begun.
With phrase spun after phrase, something inside piled and started to brew, you would stun, as a need to bleed my words as my lungs need oxygen. I was to get a lesson, you became my riled, styled obsession. 

At times when I was young it weighs, so I question, perhaps, I bit off more than I could chew, or correction once I knew you, was it just fear of rejection?
With you I felt as won, but I started to go coo coo through a maze of wild thoughts of aggression.
While I was blue, I grew my frayed wings, and with you I flew to the sun through the great mentalization reunion migration. 
With you as my number one crazed companion I started to break through, session after session, through this new navigation.
I must mention a little more, you made me soar to the heavens, for with your affection I finally was free. You never did flee or betrayed thee, nore use my weaknesses against me. You were always quality positivity projection. 
As a slew of my thoughts would stay for a while, started to pile and spew, was then my progression. 
You are my protection, this was something new you see to my comprehension. 
I see I must say it was you who got me through when I withdrew in my oppression. 
You amaze, for you turned me into thought revenue succession. 
You opened my eyes to another view with your phrases of creation demonstration. 
With your injection of my imperfection, making me face the skewed view realization of my negativity infection. Because of its detection, I know know it's annihilation. 

It's true I never intended to overdue your utilization. 
It was a abomination faze, but you grew my walls of literature which became a taboo creation for the direction of my life to realization. 
You would always target me when I'd fall into a daze or start to undo and question. 
I would always do my best and I never knew in my youth, 
what I would turn into with this craze enhancement smooth enforcement of mental interaction. 

It's the truth it was not my intention to need your fire much as I do, 
to desire this slough of attachment through hire sapio attraction. 
No dire argument this is true, you have many ways of putting me in detention. 
Never a liar but with my confession you were always there prior to raise me through my depression infection with your deflection. 
Whenever I was hurt and wish to retire, nights or days, I ran to you for inspiration.
You would inquire and always there for my pain faze to review correction.
With you I never tire, due to your praise complexion I have grew into a brew of a collection of expression. 
Others I may acquire, always come and go but you always stay as my main obsession.

POEM - Left behind

POEM - Left behind

Wednesday, January 21st, 2015

Where should I go, what should I do?
I thought I had a path, I thought that I knew.
I want to move fast, but now I move slow.
For it seems I have forgotten, where to go.
There was a time when my future was clear.
A time when success was inevitably near.
But now I feel that it's come and gone.
And I wonder what I've done wrong.
Was I not clear of soul body and mind?
For it seems I have been left behind.

I lost myself inside you

I have lost myself inside you, 

and as I stand in the sand 

as the waves of my past brush against my feet 

I demand to understand why.

I've lost myself inside you,

I know it seems to me 

that I have been released from my personality 

and I no longer know who I am.

I've lost myself inside of you,

And I wish not to repeat that which defeats 

the heat that I have diffuse from my mistakes of the past.

I hope this will last, will you make me complete? 

For who knew, that you were true blue,

And sometimes it seems to rape my soul 

Its my fait, I wish not to escape,

When all I wish to do is lose myself inside you.

Fall

As I fall and lay upon the ground within a mound of my own past regrets, I tried to order these words to you legible. I wish not to be emotional. I wish to be motivational.

You feel that this is unbelievable? Unreasonable? Or perhaps that I am being deceivable? Simply because my minds eye is not placed in the same central point of what your mental design a may be? Well the building blocks that make you, do not make me. We have lived in two different realities, but that does not mean that we cannot come together and defeat and beat down any misbelief that our futures could entangle into absolute beauty. My actions to you are not mutiny, and I am not trying to deceive, I wish you would believe that I do not manipulate. Must this Irate mentality be our fate as we spiral into negativity as if we are unable to communicate? 

Is this continuance just a stall, for after all once I fall, would you be there to catch me?

I put my reality on your table, and although at times I may seem unstable, I am a Brickhouse. Earthquakes can shake as hard as my mistakes, but neither will break my foundation. Its this frustration that puts my focus into relation that this alienation separation of my two selves,  as divided a wall with in my being, I was previously unaware existed. I was not restricted, I have resisted such knowledge, for as I look through the window, I begin to see things that not only defy me, they frustrated and humiliate me. They do not define me, they are small cracks within my overall structure that has made me strong. But if you Chipaway at the cracks it won't be long before you hear the call and sound of crashing as my structure begins to fall. 

Bright

I just want to sleep through all this sadness

Before it brings me into madness.

If I do not keep busy it will tear me apart,

So I focus on my writing and my love of art.

I long for the razor sharp blade of the sword,

But silently I keep moving forward.

Insecurities created seem to last,

Because present ignorance leaks from my past.

Choices that I thought made me strong,

Now turn out to be the choices I made wrong.

But if I try to put all this aside with all my might,

Could our future possibly still be bright?

Dream

A dream is a lightning storm in your brain.

And as my consciousness octopus waves its tentacles out in eternity,

I truly know what this means.

Judgment

     I can hear your voice in the whispers of silence, you are the pulsating memory that reminds us, when life offers change, we should not struggle and fuss. 

     To live for love and not lust, to move forward is a must, we have to keep moving or we will rust. Just because we wander does not mean we are lost. 

     I feel your concerns in the falling rain, fear that my freedom is a sign I'm insane, I am liberated, there is nothing wrong with my brain. Because I have changed my name and I do not reframe, it is your fear of difference, that I am not the same. 

     For in the face of change I will remain a constant reminder of freedoms stain. And although it is not for fame, and you may see it as a pain, I hope your love for me will remain the same.

    I taste your judgment in the tears of a child, because your lifes ambition you have filed, your perception of mine is wild. For although my style is not mild, I did not mean to have you riled, for although your experiences are differently piled, for me my life has me beguiled, and with my eyes I have smiled.

    But I see your admiration with the rising Sun, for you wish you could live a life of fun, but circumstances have got you stunned. 

    With your feet you retreat you begin to run, for things unknown you ignorantly shun, in the sunrise of your eyes I see you admire what I've done, you may feel your life is ending, mine has just begun.

     

Metamorphosis

My apologies to my friends that have tried to reach out,

But coddling and consoling is not what I'm about.

It is time for me to focus on my art and my health.

To separate myself from others and focus on myself.

My scales have gotten unbalanced and begin to tip.

I have no desire for people's drama or gossip.

And now I know, I need to grow,

To separate myself from the stagnant deceiving lie.

I'm seeking friendships to be inspired by.

I'm going through many changes within myself I must defeat.

I will let you know when my metamorphosis is complete.

Ambition

I am 35 years old and not get where I want to be,
Always in depression, always throwing a pity party,
often seems like excuses, I am full,
As there is always a obstacle.
The main thing that I know that I am doing wrong,
Is waiting for my friends to help me along.
Why I do this, when I've always known,
That to be successful, I must do this alone.
The time is now to make my dreams my mission.
And to be led by my own life's ambition.

These are a few of my favorite things

Octopus, cheesecake, facial massage, neck massage, shoulder massage, orchid, purple, lime green, soft, sweet, pineapple pizza white sauce, chicken brockli alfraido, turquoise, Jade, Amber, silver, tribal, steampunk, big straight white teeth, cuddling, vanilla, almond oil, documentaries, road trips, traveling, camping, hiking, blue glass, strawberry banana, strawberry kiwi, pink Floyd, bellbottoms, platform shoes/boots, Aliens, ancient cultures, theology, Egypt, mesopotamia, Peru, Dubstep, cello, theremin, didgeridoo, violin, dreadlocks, long hair, kisses, Black googly eyes gold fish, peanut butter cups, Oreo cookie mint ice cream, cherry sent, tree house, mountains, rivers, snorkeling, sex, mutual obsession, sensuality, completing of tasks, goals, poetry, horse back rideing, working out, yoga, rollerblading, bicycling, Denver, art, plays, extreme personalities, Communication, calmness, nature, music, sacred geometry, spirals, Nautilis, productivity, Boston cream pie, eclairs, grapes, learning, 20s - 60s music, dancing, staff, 

Humanities hand

Running, swimming flying free.

Becoming the air, trees and sea. 

Soaring above to see all.

To learn of our beginning, growth and fall. 

A species with amnesia and a false face.

Living in separation as the human race. 

Sometimes all we wish is to left be. 

When what we need is unity.

So no matter The trials and tribulations that life's demand.

Just remember always, you have my hand. 

Simple crazy

I wish it would not be so hard, for things that come so easy. 

Things that may seem simple to some, can make others crazy.

Loves scars

We can fight till we are blue, but if we do all I want is to be free of you.

You make my brain hazy, and drive me crazy.

The scars on my arms reminds me of you.

What makes me

As these words are my arsenal, I often feel they are too personal. 

To put my pen to paper, 

to calligraphy out of my mind vapor. 

When I get in the zone, and wish to be alone, for it is my desire for these feelings to outgrown. 

Wish my words would make me free, rather than flee, and if my emotions could leave me be, would you still know what it is that makes me?

Bit off more than you can chew

It seems you never desire to be with me,

After you go out and party.

So should I just gauge my time with you,

Too when I know you devotion is true?

My feelings are intense, I try not to smother.

Yours diminish, after you are with another.

And although this is what I say.

I am aware that is not always this way.

It sucks for me to not be able to be free, 

from these emotions and my insecurities.

to you I do not feel I am being fair, 

I often wish I simply did not care.

I dread how thin I have felt spread, 

as I lay in this bed alone in my head.

I wish I could free myself from my own insanity,

And simply live off your past security.

I am half a prude, and half a lewd, 

for these feelings protrude and my desires can be rude.

When I get in this mood, I suppose I wish to be pursued, it hurts to exclude, my heart is naked as my body is nude.

I prey these feelings will stray for my insecurities I wish not to make you pay, so I simply walk away.

You see, this is inside me, I must learn how to change this belief, so when this occurs, please, don't take it personally.

I try not to make a peep as a weep so outside I will creep, this is my problem, I will let you sleep.

For this blue hue over my eyes is true, I continue moving to not stew, I do this because I care about you.

With communication I am equipped, 

This is something you need in any relationship. 

I often will tell you outright, I'm not one to simply give hints.

Just seems I constantly need, reassurance.

I wish to discreetly count sheep, but my insomnia does creep, only with absolute comfort and security will I be able to sleep. 

And it's true I knew that this could hurt you,

I have warned you that perhaps you have bit off more than you can chew.

Midnight walk

Often it would give others quite a fright. 

To walk nude through this quiet night.

It will be here that I am found. 

With the quiet breeze, as the earth sleeps sound.

I have a notion to walk to the ocean, with glowing skin in slow motion.

To this reality we become slaves, and you I wish to save, to slowly release you into the waves.

For I know with this connectedness, my fabric does glow.

And although I reep what sew, these feelings still grow. As from above same as below, I desire to be as the water and go with the flow. 

I wish not to take pray so I try to stay, and sometimes I hate that I am this way.

But without being embraced, I try to pace and not leave this place, but I often just want to walk away.

I try to be quiet, for I might want to take flight into the night in and write. 

My body may disappear out right, and I'm not uptight, If I do this, I want you to know that I am alright.

There will always be forewarning, for these feelings have been storing. Although I am yearning for comforting, with my walk and my self motivating talk I will be fine by morning.

Too much to ask

Is there a crime and wishing to be desired?

You wish to sleep and I am wired.

I desire it not hurt to this degree.

all I want is for you to at least, hold me.

I constantly get sucked back into your charms.

And often I get lost in your arms.

And I know it's a start, you have given me a part.

But you still hold back, much of your heart.

It hurts that these feelings run so deep.

That my excitement when I lay next to you will not allow me to sleep.

From a slight crush, this has grew. 

I just want to experience all of you.

When you lay next to me, I am giddy as a child.

My feelings have always been intense, never mild.

And although games I wish not to play,

I often wonder how long would it take you to notice, if I walked away. 

My apologies that if two depression I am prone. 

A trigger is if you do not hold me, I feel alone. 

Perhaps the amount of attention I need becomes much of a task.

I wish to feel constantly desired, is that too much to ask?

Bad timing

Why won't you be intimate with me? 

Is it because you just had sex previously?

Or because you were to sleepy?

Do you have the desire? Or is it just bad timing?

My apologies if I get up and leave,

I don't want to I hope you believe.

I try to not take it personally.

But it becomes difficult when rejection I perceive.

And although I wish to stay and talk,

You are sleeping so I go on my walk.

I use the restroom in the house for it is not locked. 

And I walk in on another rideing your cock.

Is it bad that I am trying?

Should I allow it to continue dying?

It hurts because for you I continue painting.

Is it just me? Or bad timing?

Hippie new year

Tonight's the night to bring you hire!

Connecting with friends and burning fire!

To dance naked in the foam,

For those who could not make it to burning man, let's burn at home!

Hulu hoop swing and the sparks fly!

Feeling a connection you cannot deny!

To rid your anger, negative past and fear.

For burning man is the hippie new year!

Carnal desire

 You make me want to sin, desire to crawl out of my skin.

You cause my fluid stew, for I want to eat you.

You have stolen my heart, and I want to tear you apart.

As you caress with penetrate humps, you cover my body with goosebumps.

And I feel the most free, when you are inside of me.

You have brought my carnal desire bringing me higher.

Bringing the action of satisfaction.

There is one thing that I know, is that I want you so. 

Heart wants

The heart does taunt, and the heart does want.  And the memories of love continues to haunt.

You can bring you hire and make you tire, it's often you have no control over what you desire.

And you think you may know how to control it so, but my advice is go with the flow.

It can make you long to be strong and do things that you may consider wrong.

And if you only knew that it would make you blue, would you feel this love was true?

It can be immense and rather intense, it's not about control, it's about the experience. 

You may not know how it puts you in wow, but if you love, do it now. 

Time you can not borrow, through happiness or sorrow, love now because you may not have the chance tomorrow. 

Denver

    This lady is quite clever and makes me quiver, once I think about her I get the fever.

     You may wonder why she holds a large part of my heart, and why it makes me fall apart if I depart for too long. The reason is this lady is full of the love of art.

     She brings me the capability productivity, as I reactively progressively remove negativity from my activities. She holds my captivity with her festivities in absolute creativity.

With the removal of life's anxiety, typically the reality of this hippie mentality, holds me with such intensity. 

     So to her I must permit to commit, and I must admit that with her wit, this lady gives me much benefit, and if I split, I beguin to miss it.

     For if I leave she will never let me be, for I cannot flee for she and I agree, that only with her I am truly free. Her palse makes me quiver, my feet in her blood as the river, so from her eyes mountains and breath trees if I leave, soon after, she beckons me.

     When I am in her I am a believer, that I would wish to take on the endeavor, to do whatever is needed to stay with her forever. Oh how I miss my lady Denver.

Unmotivated

Unmotivated 

I can't get myself motavated. 

I feel going out is over rated. 

Can't get myself to move worth a shit. 

I'm to lazy and I justify it. 

I simply can't find the motivation,

Is it lack of interest, or depression?

All I desire is to sit in solitude at home. 

My only desire is to write a poem.

Night

Sometimes it sucks not being a party kid,

But still with my insomnia, but I cannot get rid.

Everyone is out my night begins to unfold.

They are all together as I stay home with no one to hold.

To this mentality, I have never been a member.

It has been like this since as far back as I can remember.

It is difficult to sleep, I must confess.

Unless I have someone to hold, I cannot rest.

I can pretend to party to some degree,

But it truly does not make me happy.

I am restless so I write.

As my tribe parties all night.

Ant

Damn ant, why won't you just leave me be, 

why do you have to bite me? 

Now you get the death penalty! 

Cage

I am wasting so much time being depressed.

Perhaps given too much time to reflect.

Always just wishing to turn the page.

But still here stuck in this cage.

Forever feeling like I'm walking through muck.

Making it difficult to become unstuck.

I am here to live and let live.

And I try not to be reactive,

It seems as my anxiety will not rest.

When I am this depressed.

But as I roll out of this cage and look to the sky,

And I remove the fog from my eyes.

I only then will begin to see,

That I am the one that caged me.

So if I wish to flee,

I begin to see I am the only one that can release me.

Closet

When your heart is chained down in the closet,

And you don't feel your thoughts are legit.

That the world would make you pay,

If you came out, being gay.

If your life feals controlled and crappy.

You must come out to be happy. 

Don't put Ur needs on a back shelf,

You must open the door and be true to yourself.

End your fears, insecurities and doubt.

It is time to come out. 

Because no matter what others say.

Another word for happiness is gay. 

Sleep

You sleep so much in the morning, 

you sleep so much at night.

You sleep so much in the middle of the day, 

you sleep with all your might.

You sleep a lot it seems to me.

With all the sleep you must be a absolute beauty.

To me sleep seems like a waste of time.

But perhaps I have just giving you mine.

For sleep is something that I do not do.

So I will give my sleep to you. 

Good morning

Good morning world it's time to open your eyes,

And turn your face towards the sunrise.

Breathe your first conscious breath of the day,

Plan your productiveness and time of play.

With each day you can have your own revolution.

And further your personal evolution.

Always moving forward never being boring.

Stand up and yell to the world, good morning!

Earth

Will We survive here as a dying race?
Or will we bring our cancerous species to outerspace?
We often bring destruction with our birth.
As we take things for granted, like our Earth.
As we construct cities with large buildings.
We often forget that we are this planet's children.
Neglecting our home like no other.
Treating it as a ashtray rather than our mother.

Insomnia

This is something I have learned to bear. 
That sleep to me is something rare,
Watching you dream in your bed,
As the noise will not cease in my head.
Insomnia is something that I have faced.
Will often calm in a lovers embrace.
However The trick that works best for me,
Is to focus my thoughts on a documentary.
This is the main thing that I can find.
That is able to quiet my mind.

Loves new start

Why won't you just go away? And leave me in my sanctuary, you do not need to be near me, I plead just leave me be. You do not treat me as a queen, you treat me as the sea treats the shore. You are eating at my core, eroding me.  Pulling my sands into your deep blue you, until there is nothing left of me.

I sink into you and begin to lose myself. All I have ever asked is for you to love me, is that too much to ask? I could have my pick of waving Dick's, but what's the point there just pricks. This whole thing makes me sick and if I knew it would stick, I would find a way to make you love me. And although I have heard you say the words, your actions are the truth. You sit idly by as I cry and beg for you to not neglect me. You have infected me, and no matter how deep I bury my feet in the mud you are in my blood and the air that I breathe, your aura will not Free me. As you were changed to my heart it has been difficult to tear it apart and will let you go without killing me. Can't you see, that you need me? Yet you always flee to devote to others. So now you know, I have let you go, and woah after woah it is time to leave me be. Let me free from these chains that bind us. And let me find a mind that is kind to this old bruised heart. You neglect has tore me apart, it's time for me to have a new start. 

Refuse

There's always a reason, Always a  excuse, 

to be neglectful, to give this abuse. 

To be jagged to be obtuse,

Ill beg for attention but u still refuse. 

I've seen the situation, and tried to diffuse, 

you have brought me hire and giving me the blues, 

I have beg for you to come, but you just cruise. 

often you make me feel as I lose. 

Have you been my destiny? have you heard the news? 

Have you been listening to me? Or did you just snooze? 

I have let your fire, you have lit my fuse. 

You have broken my heart but with you I have left only a bruise. 

you can lose yourself in drugs partying and booze. 

I will give you the rope to pull u back, you tied the noose. 

In order to get your attention I will not to seduce, 

and I do not want to feel this used. 

You make me want to hide it become a recluse, 

you run from me as I constantly pursue. 

Have no interest in a slacker, I seek one whom produce. 

I don't need this crap, drama or refuse.  

now my heart is out of use. 

Perhaps with friendship we can find a truce, 

but with your neglect I will forever refuse.

Cephalopod

Don't just swear and cuss,

Be a nautilus. 

Don't just act like a kid,

Just be a Squid

Don't throw people under the bus,

Be a octopus.

Don't be childish. 

Be a cuttlefish. 

Do not be so flawed,

Just be a cephalopod.

Fortress of solitude

I am hiding and I hope to never be found.

For in my sacred space I come upon thoughts profound.

the constant influx of personalities around me,

Could lay a vail so I cannot see.

Sometimes the act of love can openly defy,

The open self honesty of opening your eyes.

Although friends are great, sometimes you do not need them near.

sometimes the ruckus in noise becomes too much to hear.

I'm happy to have a place to go with my mood.

Into my fortress of solitude.

For now I'm finally having thoughts profound,

for I am hiding in wish never to be found.

Relation ship

This relationship has sailed! And you have failed, to listen to what was needed to be done to keep afloat. Our love is a boat, and as we tread into deeper water, you took on more daughters then our boat could hold. And as your lust for others rocked our ship to pen, made me wonder who was our captain? If it is I, and I relied on you to follow my command, and with your hand you demand to go about it to your own accord, should you be thrown overboard? If you rock the boat, you must learn to stay afloat, for if you are the captain, and these have been your rules, as the bow begins to pool, as the hall begins to crack, and the Crackin starts to attack, you best know to watch your back, and to not cause it to flip, for the captain must down with the ship. 

Art explosion

I often wish I had a friend that would help me mend my heart and as I thought I often find within my mind it is my art. 

For whenever I start to lean back and fall, I know with all my passion my art will be there in every fashion to catch me before I hit the ground.

And often as the thoughts are profound, I have found, but with my art I become grounded, and can create this mound within myself to climb to the top.

However when I find my art has stopped, the buildup makes me feel as I am to pop, and I have a need to bleed my art or I will simply explode.

So I must force myself in art mode, to reload, and release all the tention of art I have stowed.

Scipiosexual

The one thing that I have always loved, is my desire to share what I hold within and individuals lack of interest of care for because my dialogue is that of words, and not a image of absolute attraction. And when I say love I am being sarcastic for my emotions are elastic, and I have learned to burn the bridges with individuals that have no soul to see past physical demeanor. For what is the point to gather such individuals for our bodies will only weather, and the only individuals that will linger will be those of intellectual endeavor. So for me to bind I must find a mind that enthralls me, and has the balls to satisfy my intellectual side. For zombies and I have but one thing in common, we seek a man with a brain. However so many people have caused disdain and they are just a ignorant stain upon humanity. You must get past physicality and have the integrity to see reality as a intellectual duality. However people often only realize sex that is their desire to become actual, but if you want me you must intrigue me for I am a Scipiosexual.

Communication

People often ask me what is the secret to a happy relationship.

The answer is the same in building any physical form.

Foundation.

Without foundation any structure built upon would crumble and fall.

In a relationship communication is the mortar, and the time to devote to it, is the time to allow it to cure.

This fact remains the same to repair the cracks that form upon the bumps of life.

Without communication, a relationship is nothing more than a life experience.

Love yourself

I remember when I was a child and I was first taught to hate myself.

For no matter what your path it if mild or wild and if you live for love or for health,

Despite what your peers say because your style may be skewed in their eyes you must learn to love your self.

I remember crying my eyes so red and full of dread for the fear of not fitting in.

For being ripped out of one school to the next and not being able to grasp a friend, I have taken these emotions and store them in a bin. 

And now these bins are piling so high that if only I could reach the sky and knock them over then perhaps I could once again find myself.

But is the self that I would find laying idly by be the self that once built these walls with fear?

And if I stepped in there with my peers repair my heart if they knew it was their fault for putting me in these bars in giving me these scars, would they help me gather the pieces, and I would beg to Jesus that my loved ones would be aware of me enough to put the puzzle back together again.

For if my sadness doesn't leak as I would cut myself deep and i am week, and I would watch the blood collect late at my feet, I could give you a peek, but only once you found the puzzle pieces that are my mouth would I once again find myself and be given the gift to speak. Would you want to hear what I had to say?

So as I lay shattered upon the ground of this mound of my own flesh I wonder if it is truly best that I allow myself to bleed and have this need to hold my love accountable for my destruction. If I am willing to take myself out of this depression, and see that it is a addiction but I have placed myself in the detention, and allow the pieces to be gathered to know how to escape now? I really need this attention? Perhaps only if I had deflected the attacks that would lead me to believe and scream and have the need to plead with my peers that perhaps had disagreed for my need to be freed of their prying eyes and condemning lies of their own realities that perhaps even they are themselves unaware.

Why should I care? For as I lay in the mud this smooth, moist shell can begin to encompass me. And all I can hear is the throbbing of my own heart drumming and pounding in the back of my ears. I then will let go of my fears, and my allies and praying eyes, and I will accomplish this with most absolute stealth. For I will once again learn to love myself. 

Alone in this crowd

There are times that I feel I need a escape, a place to run and hide.

For my sanctuary has become spoiled, and I have no soul to confide.

For often the amount of ruckus can be confusing and loud.

Surrounded by love, I often do feel alone in this crowd.

As we ride with each bump in the road becomes a little bit smoother.

And as we learn how to identify them, communication can be the obstacle remover.

Life will throw your way situations to cause blunder,

There have always been fighters, but I have always been a runner.

Many situations can cause scars, and much trauma.

However if communicated properly, will never create drama.

When you live life as a runner, sometimes it's difficult to become patient.

When all that is ever needed, is absolute communication.

However to have this the time must be allowed.

And with this one will truly not feel alone in this crowd. 

Alone

Was I there when you seek? 

Were you there when I was weak?

Did you need me when I float above?

Was it me that taught you love?

Would you be there if I was no fun?

Would you chase me if I did run?

Was it you that made me moan?

Were you there? Or was I alone?

My friend depression

Why fight depression when it can become your friend.

Why try to fix a broken heart that will not mend? 

Why try to have a escape from feelings that make you whole.

Why retreat from the emotion that gives you soul? 

For sometimes you're happy without reason, sometimes you're sad.

You must learn to take the good with the bad.

It may seem that I am saying these words to you.

But I speak to myself if I must be true. 

Depression is a funny thing

Depression is a funny thing,

How it causes inspiration to do art and sing.

It seems when we're happy we sit idly by,

And our creativity only comes out when we are about to cry.

With the drive of depression one can manifest the infection.

To move forward with your desire into manifestation.

Strange how it seems that happiness causes creative repression.

When freedom of expression comes out with depression.

Perhaps happiness can be just a fling,

For Depression can be a funny thing.

Echo

Echo

How bad do you want to be successful?

Is your dream just an echo?

You have to really know before you can succeed.

It can't be an echo of your desire; it has to become a need.

When you are drowning all you want is to breathe.

There has to be nothing else that you care.

When drowning your success must become your air.

Although it may be stressful,

When you want success as much as you want to breath,

There is no way you will not be successful.

Many say they desire success; however they do not want it bad,

The world could be there launch pad,

If there motivation was not a passing fad.

it’s a shame but most do not want success as much as playing a video game,

They would rather party, watch TV,

For their failure echoes, but they only have themselves to blame.

Where were they when success came?

Probably, lounging, resting, sleeping. Playing, parting repeating? 

With this laziness they will never taste success

Because they would rather sleep then seek the dream they keep.

Most people want to sleep more then they want to be successful.

And to them this is distressful,

You have to be willing to grab the horns by the bull, and stop counting sheep,

If you want to be successful you have to make the leap

And be willing to give up sleep. For only then success you will reap!

There is always an excuse, always a reason to delay.

I'm Sick, My Body hurts, I'm not in a good mood.    I'm tired,  I'm depressed,  I'm hungry.

You have to want success more then you want food! 

You must have the need to feed, with speed and you may bleed.

Success is not easy so please do take heed.

That is the number one reason why most of you will not succeed.

You do not really have the drive and the need.

People often ask me, when do I sleep?

Sleep is for the unsuccessful, when you succeed, then you sleep.

You must have the mentality, that when you sleep you could be missing the opportunity

To make a dream become a reality.

What is your undying utilization of the driving motivation?  For your success creation?

Sex? Friends? Love? Fame? Money? If you got none of these things would you still be success hungry?

From a fleeting thought to the final draft,

The success of your action is determined by the love you have for the craft.

When you get nothing and you still have the forward driving need,

It is then that you will truly succeed.

Only when you have this realization,

Will it be accompanied with liberation?

And when the changes of a slacker are shed and you are truly freed,

Will you then, inevitably succeed?

The world is not full of beautiful people and sunny days.

People will try to break you down with doubt and jealousy displays.

The world, circumstances and people can cut you deep, and it will leave a scar. 

It can be hard, and I don't care how tough you think you are.

It could bend bruise but not break your spirit. It could damage you and make you want to quit.

It will beat you down and keep you there if you allow it.

It is your mission to precision your ambition. 

Do not allow yourself to go into submission.

You will find no obstacle in life greater than the lack your own self discipline

Life can bite you and begin to chew

It is not about how hard life hits you,
It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep the forward motion.

You must not give into negative emotion, step forth with your devotion.

If you have strayed and your ambition begins to fade,

But your drive is what is displayed. 

That is how success is made! 

Don't just sit through a fit and split because you feel you are unfit,
you want a benefit? You know what you want, go out and get it.
But you have to be willing to take life's hits.
It’s certain the situation you will worsen if you allow the diversion

To point your finger saying that you are unable to succeed because of this person, 

Because of your obligation to this situation or this thing out of your control. 

One should not console inhibition, its abomination demonstration of a sensation,

To have a cultivation cancellation of your vocation and avocation into manifestation?

This aggravation troll stole your whole salvation
Cowered do that. You are better than that. Get past it and you have the world’s admiration. 

Don't allow your circumstance, knowledge or echo’s of peers to condemn. 

See you’re obstetrical and get over them!
If you want something, develop the mentality, admit actuality you really want it,

It’s not just a formality, you must commit to the discipline to make that dream a reality.
And you have to do it now!
Don't allow yourself put it off till tomorrow,
because there is an infinity of tomorrows until you are dead,

For the misread widespread fear of failure can be potent. 

And if you were on deathbed now in dread of this moment
will you look back on your life and smile?

Because if you put yourself on trial and reread your file could you say you tried your best?  

It’s not about being better than the rest, it’s your versatile style and actions that is your success. 

If you think too big, too fast, success can be looked at as a hassle,

And your past does not matter, potentially you could go from locally to globally.

Could just be writing a poem, does not have to be building a castle.

And I don't care how, but if you have a need to succeed do it now!

I dare you to be successful. 

don't bury yourself in play, pity, sloth, sorrow.

Your failure will be you putting it off till tomorrow.

Your future starts now.

What we do in life, Echos for a eternity.

How loud will your echo be? 

Anxiety

September 24, 2013 

Heart is throbbing, breath hard to find.

How much of this is of body, how much of mind?

Is the cause lack of money, or human connection?

Or the lack of attention or fear of rejection?

If starved of attention creates this infection,

These feelings created walls of confusion.

Release you can't find, once you are confined.

Tied to the walls, it's hard to unwind.

It is knowledge, truth, lies or a variety,

Or the impending pressures of our society?

That causes us this extending anxiety?

Raindrops profound

September 24, 2013

To loosen what is tightly bound, the dominant sound that I have found,

Is sent from all around, with learning to let go, rain is falling to the ground.

This  as the gods meant, we know it's two hour again we have this cleansing fit.

In a freshness that may astound, so not in vain, we embrace it as we sit.

Keep your head up, watch it flow as it drains so you don't drown.

You can choose to row, but best to let go and let it hit.

We have found that this same spirit won't quit.

By this main element we are all bound, help us to grow.

It will show when it starts to slow as the sound begins to pound.

Although we wish to maintain control we have none we hate to admit.

This realization of the rain, is profound and we can only benefit.

So if woe is feeling bound and insane,

It's time to let go in the lane to collide with the flow.

We know it's time to get my cleaning, by the pounding of the rain.