The road to happiness

For the first time in my life since high school, I am truly feeling for filled with my activities and rate of production. It may be that perhaps the thing that I have changed is I have become a little more selfish with my time. I'm sad to say that, that may be the thing that has changed my recent outlook. I feel that in the last 12 years I have encompassed on many endeavors that have given a greater benefit to the individuals involved than myself. The amount of time and stress that I put into these endeavors although at the time I felt was benefiting me, I now feel were a detriment to my personal development. With the tree fort village that I am embarking on now, even though it is still a community endeavor, I feel more satisfied with my production. I am not too sure why the change. However, besides this, I have stepped away from Florida modeling network for the next year. Allowing my manager to run it 100%. Doing this I also am forfeiting any income that I was getting from it. However the freedom from it has opened me to helping my father with the resort, and better yet, the ability to create my artwork once again. More than anything, I feel that it is the production of my art that has filled me with satisfaction. Secondly the new focus that I have on forwarding my personal life and surroundings. Completing tasks on my house and vehicles that have sat uncompleted for the last decade. This is another great reason for my recent happiness with my path. The third reason and change in my recent life that I feel is generating these warm feelings, is simply this which I am doing now, my ability to start writing again. There was a time where I was prolific in my writing. Keeping many journals at once. However over the last decade my writing productivity is come to almost a complete halt. At first it halted in my personal arena with my handwritten journals, and then with the change of MYSPACE over to Facebook, the lack of blogs slowed my interest. Taking time for myself every day, and finding blogger on the Internet, which I had already had for years but not utilized, has great Lee helped me. Taking time for oneself speaks louder than the action itself. The final change that I have placed into my life be at willingly bar by happen chance, is the liberation of a obsession with my partner. Every relationship that I have been in for the last six years has been unstable therefore had taken a extra amount of my awareness and focus on the relationship to keep it functioning. With this extra constant I on my relationship, I held a level of obsession with my partner and a constant worry of their views of my actions. For the first time, perhaps ever in my life, I feel that my current partner does not judge me, and by not having the weighing stress of constant judgment by my lover on my shoulders, I feel free to fly and develop my abilities. Before now, I was always most productive when single. More often than not if my partners were aware or not, they were constantly extinguishing my. Some more directly than others. BS that my current partner supports me, I am able to have the liberation that I would feel while single, well still having a partner to share these things with. This is a feeling never felt before. So for these reasons combined, my pass for the first time since high school is clear. Perhaps this is why Jesus had all those unwritten years. LOL. It just takes a while to get all your shit together.