Fall

As I fall and lay upon the ground within a mound of my own past regrets, I tried to order these words to you legible. I wish not to be emotional. I wish to be motivational.

You feel that this is unbelievable? Unreasonable? Or perhaps that I am being deceivable? Simply because my minds eye is not placed in the same central point of what your mental design a may be? Well the building blocks that make you, do not make me. We have lived in two different realities, but that does not mean that we cannot come together and defeat and beat down any misbelief that our futures could entangle into absolute beauty. My actions to you are not mutiny, and I am not trying to deceive, I wish you would believe that I do not manipulate. Must this Irate mentality be our fate as we spiral into negativity as if we are unable to communicate? 

Is this continuance just a stall, for after all once I fall, would you be there to catch me?

I put my reality on your table, and although at times I may seem unstable, I am a Brickhouse. Earthquakes can shake as hard as my mistakes, but neither will break my foundation. Its this frustration that puts my focus into relation that this alienation separation of my two selves,  as divided a wall with in my being, I was previously unaware existed. I was not restricted, I have resisted such knowledge, for as I look through the window, I begin to see things that not only defy me, they frustrated and humiliate me. They do not define me, they are small cracks within my overall structure that has made me strong. But if you Chipaway at the cracks it won't be long before you hear the call and sound of crashing as my structure begins to fall. 

Bright

I just want to sleep through all this sadness

Before it brings me into madness.

If I do not keep busy it will tear me apart,

So I focus on my writing and my love of art.

I long for the razor sharp blade of the sword,

But silently I keep moving forward.

Insecurities created seem to last,

Because present ignorance leaks from my past.

Choices that I thought made me strong,

Now turn out to be the choices I made wrong.

But if I try to put all this aside with all my might,

Could our future possibly still be bright?

Dream

A dream is a lightning storm in your brain.

And as my consciousness octopus waves its tentacles out in eternity,

I truly know what this means.

Judgment

     I can hear your voice in the whispers of silence, you are the pulsating memory that reminds us, when life offers change, we should not struggle and fuss. 

     To live for love and not lust, to move forward is a must, we have to keep moving or we will rust. Just because we wander does not mean we are lost. 

     I feel your concerns in the falling rain, fear that my freedom is a sign I'm insane, I am liberated, there is nothing wrong with my brain. Because I have changed my name and I do not reframe, it is your fear of difference, that I am not the same. 

     For in the face of change I will remain a constant reminder of freedoms stain. And although it is not for fame, and you may see it as a pain, I hope your love for me will remain the same.

    I taste your judgment in the tears of a child, because your lifes ambition you have filed, your perception of mine is wild. For although my style is not mild, I did not mean to have you riled, for although your experiences are differently piled, for me my life has me beguiled, and with my eyes I have smiled.

    But I see your admiration with the rising Sun, for you wish you could live a life of fun, but circumstances have got you stunned. 

    With your feet you retreat you begin to run, for things unknown you ignorantly shun, in the sunrise of your eyes I see you admire what I've done, you may feel your life is ending, mine has just begun.

     

Metamorphosis

My apologies to my friends that have tried to reach out,

But coddling and consoling is not what I'm about.

It is time for me to focus on my art and my health.

To separate myself from others and focus on myself.

My scales have gotten unbalanced and begin to tip.

I have no desire for people's drama or gossip.

And now I know, I need to grow,

To separate myself from the stagnant deceiving lie.

I'm seeking friendships to be inspired by.

I'm going through many changes within myself I must defeat.

I will let you know when my metamorphosis is complete.

Ambition

I am 35 years old and not get where I want to be,
Always in depression, always throwing a pity party,
often seems like excuses, I am full,
As there is always a obstacle.
The main thing that I know that I am doing wrong,
Is waiting for my friends to help me along.
Why I do this, when I've always known,
That to be successful, I must do this alone.
The time is now to make my dreams my mission.
And to be led by my own life's ambition.

These are a few of my favorite things

Octopus, cheesecake, facial massage, neck massage, shoulder massage, orchid, purple, lime green, soft, sweet, pineapple pizza white sauce, chicken brockli alfraido, turquoise, Jade, Amber, silver, tribal, steampunk, big straight white teeth, cuddling, vanilla, almond oil, documentaries, road trips, traveling, camping, hiking, blue glass, strawberry banana, strawberry kiwi, pink Floyd, bellbottoms, platform shoes/boots, Aliens, ancient cultures, theology, Egypt, mesopotamia, Peru, Dubstep, cello, theremin, didgeridoo, violin, dreadlocks, long hair, kisses, Black googly eyes gold fish, peanut butter cups, Oreo cookie mint ice cream, cherry sent, tree house, mountains, rivers, snorkeling, sex, mutual obsession, sensuality, completing of tasks, goals, poetry, horse back rideing, working out, yoga, rollerblading, bicycling, Denver, art, plays, extreme personalities, Communication, calmness, nature, music, sacred geometry, spirals, Nautilis, productivity, Boston cream pie, eclairs, grapes, learning, 20s - 60s music, dancing, staff, 

Humanities hand

Running, swimming flying free.

Becoming the air, trees and sea. 

Soaring above to see all.

To learn of our beginning, growth and fall. 

A species with amnesia and a false face.

Living in separation as the human race. 

Sometimes all we wish is to left be. 

When what we need is unity.

So no matter The trials and tribulations that life's demand.

Just remember always, you have my hand. 

Simple crazy

I wish it would not be so hard, for things that come so easy. 

Things that may seem simple to some, can make others crazy.

Loves scars

We can fight till we are blue, but if we do all I want is to be free of you.

You make my brain hazy, and drive me crazy.

The scars on my arms reminds me of you.

What makes me

As these words are my arsenal, I often feel they are too personal. 

To put my pen to paper, 

to calligraphy out of my mind vapor. 

When I get in the zone, and wish to be alone, for it is my desire for these feelings to outgrown. 

Wish my words would make me free, rather than flee, and if my emotions could leave me be, would you still know what it is that makes me?

Bit off more than you can chew

It seems you never desire to be with me,

After you go out and party.

So should I just gauge my time with you,

Too when I know you devotion is true?

My feelings are intense, I try not to smother.

Yours diminish, after you are with another.

And although this is what I say.

I am aware that is not always this way.

It sucks for me to not be able to be free, 

from these emotions and my insecurities.

to you I do not feel I am being fair, 

I often wish I simply did not care.

I dread how thin I have felt spread, 

as I lay in this bed alone in my head.

I wish I could free myself from my own insanity,

And simply live off your past security.

I am half a prude, and half a lewd, 

for these feelings protrude and my desires can be rude.

When I get in this mood, I suppose I wish to be pursued, it hurts to exclude, my heart is naked as my body is nude.

I prey these feelings will stray for my insecurities I wish not to make you pay, so I simply walk away.

You see, this is inside me, I must learn how to change this belief, so when this occurs, please, don't take it personally.

I try not to make a peep as a weep so outside I will creep, this is my problem, I will let you sleep.

For this blue hue over my eyes is true, I continue moving to not stew, I do this because I care about you.

With communication I am equipped, 

This is something you need in any relationship. 

I often will tell you outright, I'm not one to simply give hints.

Just seems I constantly need, reassurance.

I wish to discreetly count sheep, but my insomnia does creep, only with absolute comfort and security will I be able to sleep. 

And it's true I knew that this could hurt you,

I have warned you that perhaps you have bit off more than you can chew.

Midnight walk

Often it would give others quite a fright. 

To walk nude through this quiet night.

It will be here that I am found. 

With the quiet breeze, as the earth sleeps sound.

I have a notion to walk to the ocean, with glowing skin in slow motion.

To this reality we become slaves, and you I wish to save, to slowly release you into the waves.

For I know with this connectedness, my fabric does glow.

And although I reep what sew, these feelings still grow. As from above same as below, I desire to be as the water and go with the flow. 

I wish not to take pray so I try to stay, and sometimes I hate that I am this way.

But without being embraced, I try to pace and not leave this place, but I often just want to walk away.

I try to be quiet, for I might want to take flight into the night in and write. 

My body may disappear out right, and I'm not uptight, If I do this, I want you to know that I am alright.

There will always be forewarning, for these feelings have been storing. Although I am yearning for comforting, with my walk and my self motivating talk I will be fine by morning.

Too much to ask

Is there a crime and wishing to be desired?

You wish to sleep and I am wired.

I desire it not hurt to this degree.

all I want is for you to at least, hold me.

I constantly get sucked back into your charms.

And often I get lost in your arms.

And I know it's a start, you have given me a part.

But you still hold back, much of your heart.

It hurts that these feelings run so deep.

That my excitement when I lay next to you will not allow me to sleep.

From a slight crush, this has grew. 

I just want to experience all of you.

When you lay next to me, I am giddy as a child.

My feelings have always been intense, never mild.

And although games I wish not to play,

I often wonder how long would it take you to notice, if I walked away. 

My apologies that if two depression I am prone. 

A trigger is if you do not hold me, I feel alone. 

Perhaps the amount of attention I need becomes much of a task.

I wish to feel constantly desired, is that too much to ask?

Bad timing

Why won't you be intimate with me? 

Is it because you just had sex previously?

Or because you were to sleepy?

Do you have the desire? Or is it just bad timing?

My apologies if I get up and leave,

I don't want to I hope you believe.

I try to not take it personally.

But it becomes difficult when rejection I perceive.

And although I wish to stay and talk,

You are sleeping so I go on my walk.

I use the restroom in the house for it is not locked. 

And I walk in on another rideing your cock.

Is it bad that I am trying?

Should I allow it to continue dying?

It hurts because for you I continue painting.

Is it just me? Or bad timing?

Hippie new year

Tonight's the night to bring you hire!

Connecting with friends and burning fire!

To dance naked in the foam,

For those who could not make it to burning man, let's burn at home!

Hulu hoop swing and the sparks fly!

Feeling a connection you cannot deny!

To rid your anger, negative past and fear.

For burning man is the hippie new year!

Carnal desire

 You make me want to sin, desire to crawl out of my skin.

You cause my fluid stew, for I want to eat you.

You have stolen my heart, and I want to tear you apart.

As you caress with penetrate humps, you cover my body with goosebumps.

And I feel the most free, when you are inside of me.

You have brought my carnal desire bringing me higher.

Bringing the action of satisfaction.

There is one thing that I know, is that I want you so. 

Heart wants

The heart does taunt, and the heart does want.  And the memories of love continues to haunt.

You can bring you hire and make you tire, it's often you have no control over what you desire.

And you think you may know how to control it so, but my advice is go with the flow.

It can make you long to be strong and do things that you may consider wrong.

And if you only knew that it would make you blue, would you feel this love was true?

It can be immense and rather intense, it's not about control, it's about the experience. 

You may not know how it puts you in wow, but if you love, do it now. 

Time you can not borrow, through happiness or sorrow, love now because you may not have the chance tomorrow. 

Denver

    This lady is quite clever and makes me quiver, once I think about her I get the fever.

     You may wonder why she holds a large part of my heart, and why it makes me fall apart if I depart for too long. The reason is this lady is full of the love of art.

     She brings me the capability productivity, as I reactively progressively remove negativity from my activities. She holds my captivity with her festivities in absolute creativity.

With the removal of life's anxiety, typically the reality of this hippie mentality, holds me with such intensity. 

     So to her I must permit to commit, and I must admit that with her wit, this lady gives me much benefit, and if I split, I beguin to miss it.

     For if I leave she will never let me be, for I cannot flee for she and I agree, that only with her I am truly free. Her palse makes me quiver, my feet in her blood as the river, so from her eyes mountains and breath trees if I leave, soon after, she beckons me.

     When I am in her I am a believer, that I would wish to take on the endeavor, to do whatever is needed to stay with her forever. Oh how I miss my lady Denver.

Unmotivated

Unmotivated 

I can't get myself motavated. 

I feel going out is over rated. 

Can't get myself to move worth a shit. 

I'm to lazy and I justify it. 

I simply can't find the motivation,

Is it lack of interest, or depression?

All I desire is to sit in solitude at home. 

My only desire is to write a poem.

Night

Sometimes it sucks not being a party kid,

But still with my insomnia, but I cannot get rid.

Everyone is out my night begins to unfold.

They are all together as I stay home with no one to hold.

To this mentality, I have never been a member.

It has been like this since as far back as I can remember.

It is difficult to sleep, I must confess.

Unless I have someone to hold, I cannot rest.

I can pretend to party to some degree,

But it truly does not make me happy.

I am restless so I write.

As my tribe parties all night.

Ant

Damn ant, why won't you just leave me be, 

why do you have to bite me? 

Now you get the death penalty! 

Cage

I am wasting so much time being depressed.

Perhaps given too much time to reflect.

Always just wishing to turn the page.

But still here stuck in this cage.

Forever feeling like I'm walking through muck.

Making it difficult to become unstuck.

I am here to live and let live.

And I try not to be reactive,

It seems as my anxiety will not rest.

When I am this depressed.

But as I roll out of this cage and look to the sky,

And I remove the fog from my eyes.

I only then will begin to see,

That I am the one that caged me.

So if I wish to flee,

I begin to see I am the only one that can release me.

Closet

When your heart is chained down in the closet,

And you don't feel your thoughts are legit.

That the world would make you pay,

If you came out, being gay.

If your life feals controlled and crappy.

You must come out to be happy. 

Don't put Ur needs on a back shelf,

You must open the door and be true to yourself.

End your fears, insecurities and doubt.

It is time to come out. 

Because no matter what others say.

Another word for happiness is gay. 

Sleep

You sleep so much in the morning, 

you sleep so much at night.

You sleep so much in the middle of the day, 

you sleep with all your might.

You sleep a lot it seems to me.

With all the sleep you must be a absolute beauty.

To me sleep seems like a waste of time.

But perhaps I have just giving you mine.

For sleep is something that I do not do.

So I will give my sleep to you. 

Good morning

Good morning world it's time to open your eyes,

And turn your face towards the sunrise.

Breathe your first conscious breath of the day,

Plan your productiveness and time of play.

With each day you can have your own revolution.

And further your personal evolution.

Always moving forward never being boring.

Stand up and yell to the world, good morning!

Earth

Will We survive here as a dying race?
Or will we bring our cancerous species to outerspace?
We often bring destruction with our birth.
As we take things for granted, like our Earth.
As we construct cities with large buildings.
We often forget that we are this planet's children.
Neglecting our home like no other.
Treating it as a ashtray rather than our mother.

Insomnia

This is something I have learned to bear. 
That sleep to me is something rare,
Watching you dream in your bed,
As the noise will not cease in my head.
Insomnia is something that I have faced.
Will often calm in a lovers embrace.
However The trick that works best for me,
Is to focus my thoughts on a documentary.
This is the main thing that I can find.
That is able to quiet my mind.

Loves new start

Why won't you just go away? And leave me in my sanctuary, you do not need to be near me, I plead just leave me be. You do not treat me as a queen, you treat me as the sea treats the shore. You are eating at my core, eroding me.  Pulling my sands into your deep blue you, until there is nothing left of me.

I sink into you and begin to lose myself. All I have ever asked is for you to love me, is that too much to ask? I could have my pick of waving Dick's, but what's the point there just pricks. This whole thing makes me sick and if I knew it would stick, I would find a way to make you love me. And although I have heard you say the words, your actions are the truth. You sit idly by as I cry and beg for you to not neglect me. You have infected me, and no matter how deep I bury my feet in the mud you are in my blood and the air that I breathe, your aura will not Free me. As you were changed to my heart it has been difficult to tear it apart and will let you go without killing me. Can't you see, that you need me? Yet you always flee to devote to others. So now you know, I have let you go, and woah after woah it is time to leave me be. Let me free from these chains that bind us. And let me find a mind that is kind to this old bruised heart. You neglect has tore me apart, it's time for me to have a new start. 

Refuse

There's always a reason, Always a  excuse, 

to be neglectful, to give this abuse. 

To be jagged to be obtuse,

Ill beg for attention but u still refuse. 

I've seen the situation, and tried to diffuse, 

you have brought me hire and giving me the blues, 

I have beg for you to come, but you just cruise. 

often you make me feel as I lose. 

Have you been my destiny? have you heard the news? 

Have you been listening to me? Or did you just snooze? 

I have let your fire, you have lit my fuse. 

You have broken my heart but with you I have left only a bruise. 

you can lose yourself in drugs partying and booze. 

I will give you the rope to pull u back, you tied the noose. 

In order to get your attention I will not to seduce, 

and I do not want to feel this used. 

You make me want to hide it become a recluse, 

you run from me as I constantly pursue. 

Have no interest in a slacker, I seek one whom produce. 

I don't need this crap, drama or refuse.  

now my heart is out of use. 

Perhaps with friendship we can find a truce, 

but with your neglect I will forever refuse.

Cephalopod

Don't just swear and cuss,

Be a nautilus. 

Don't just act like a kid,

Just be a Squid

Don't throw people under the bus,

Be a octopus.

Don't be childish. 

Be a cuttlefish. 

Do not be so flawed,

Just be a cephalopod.

Fortress of solitude

I am hiding and I hope to never be found.

For in my sacred space I come upon thoughts profound.

the constant influx of personalities around me,

Could lay a vail so I cannot see.

Sometimes the act of love can openly defy,

The open self honesty of opening your eyes.

Although friends are great, sometimes you do not need them near.

sometimes the ruckus in noise becomes too much to hear.

I'm happy to have a place to go with my mood.

Into my fortress of solitude.

For now I'm finally having thoughts profound,

for I am hiding in wish never to be found.

Relation ship

This relationship has sailed! And you have failed, to listen to what was needed to be done to keep afloat. Our love is a boat, and as we tread into deeper water, you took on more daughters then our boat could hold. And as your lust for others rocked our ship to pen, made me wonder who was our captain? If it is I, and I relied on you to follow my command, and with your hand you demand to go about it to your own accord, should you be thrown overboard? If you rock the boat, you must learn to stay afloat, for if you are the captain, and these have been your rules, as the bow begins to pool, as the hall begins to crack, and the Crackin starts to attack, you best know to watch your back, and to not cause it to flip, for the captain must down with the ship. 

Art explosion

I often wish I had a friend that would help me mend my heart and as I thought I often find within my mind it is my art. 

For whenever I start to lean back and fall, I know with all my passion my art will be there in every fashion to catch me before I hit the ground.

And often as the thoughts are profound, I have found, but with my art I become grounded, and can create this mound within myself to climb to the top.

However when I find my art has stopped, the buildup makes me feel as I am to pop, and I have a need to bleed my art or I will simply explode.

So I must force myself in art mode, to reload, and release all the tention of art I have stowed.

Scipiosexual

The one thing that I have always loved, is my desire to share what I hold within and individuals lack of interest of care for because my dialogue is that of words, and not a image of absolute attraction. And when I say love I am being sarcastic for my emotions are elastic, and I have learned to burn the bridges with individuals that have no soul to see past physical demeanor. For what is the point to gather such individuals for our bodies will only weather, and the only individuals that will linger will be those of intellectual endeavor. So for me to bind I must find a mind that enthralls me, and has the balls to satisfy my intellectual side. For zombies and I have but one thing in common, we seek a man with a brain. However so many people have caused disdain and they are just a ignorant stain upon humanity. You must get past physicality and have the integrity to see reality as a intellectual duality. However people often only realize sex that is their desire to become actual, but if you want me you must intrigue me for I am a Scipiosexual.

Communication

People often ask me what is the secret to a happy relationship.

The answer is the same in building any physical form.

Foundation.

Without foundation any structure built upon would crumble and fall.

In a relationship communication is the mortar, and the time to devote to it, is the time to allow it to cure.

This fact remains the same to repair the cracks that form upon the bumps of life.

Without communication, a relationship is nothing more than a life experience.

Love yourself

I remember when I was a child and I was first taught to hate myself.

For no matter what your path it if mild or wild and if you live for love or for health,

Despite what your peers say because your style may be skewed in their eyes you must learn to love your self.

I remember crying my eyes so red and full of dread for the fear of not fitting in.

For being ripped out of one school to the next and not being able to grasp a friend, I have taken these emotions and store them in a bin. 

And now these bins are piling so high that if only I could reach the sky and knock them over then perhaps I could once again find myself.

But is the self that I would find laying idly by be the self that once built these walls with fear?

And if I stepped in there with my peers repair my heart if they knew it was their fault for putting me in these bars in giving me these scars, would they help me gather the pieces, and I would beg to Jesus that my loved ones would be aware of me enough to put the puzzle back together again.

For if my sadness doesn't leak as I would cut myself deep and i am week, and I would watch the blood collect late at my feet, I could give you a peek, but only once you found the puzzle pieces that are my mouth would I once again find myself and be given the gift to speak. Would you want to hear what I had to say?

So as I lay shattered upon the ground of this mound of my own flesh I wonder if it is truly best that I allow myself to bleed and have this need to hold my love accountable for my destruction. If I am willing to take myself out of this depression, and see that it is a addiction but I have placed myself in the detention, and allow the pieces to be gathered to know how to escape now? I really need this attention? Perhaps only if I had deflected the attacks that would lead me to believe and scream and have the need to plead with my peers that perhaps had disagreed for my need to be freed of their prying eyes and condemning lies of their own realities that perhaps even they are themselves unaware.

Why should I care? For as I lay in the mud this smooth, moist shell can begin to encompass me. And all I can hear is the throbbing of my own heart drumming and pounding in the back of my ears. I then will let go of my fears, and my allies and praying eyes, and I will accomplish this with most absolute stealth. For I will once again learn to love myself. 

Alone in this crowd

There are times that I feel I need a escape, a place to run and hide.

For my sanctuary has become spoiled, and I have no soul to confide.

For often the amount of ruckus can be confusing and loud.

Surrounded by love, I often do feel alone in this crowd.

As we ride with each bump in the road becomes a little bit smoother.

And as we learn how to identify them, communication can be the obstacle remover.

Life will throw your way situations to cause blunder,

There have always been fighters, but I have always been a runner.

Many situations can cause scars, and much trauma.

However if communicated properly, will never create drama.

When you live life as a runner, sometimes it's difficult to become patient.

When all that is ever needed, is absolute communication.

However to have this the time must be allowed.

And with this one will truly not feel alone in this crowd. 

Alone

Was I there when you seek? 

Were you there when I was weak?

Did you need me when I float above?

Was it me that taught you love?

Would you be there if I was no fun?

Would you chase me if I did run?

Was it you that made me moan?

Were you there? Or was I alone?

My friend depression

Why fight depression when it can become your friend.

Why try to fix a broken heart that will not mend? 

Why try to have a escape from feelings that make you whole.

Why retreat from the emotion that gives you soul? 

For sometimes you're happy without reason, sometimes you're sad.

You must learn to take the good with the bad.

It may seem that I am saying these words to you.

But I speak to myself if I must be true. 

Depression is a funny thing

Depression is a funny thing,

How it causes inspiration to do art and sing.

It seems when we're happy we sit idly by,

And our creativity only comes out when we are about to cry.

With the drive of depression one can manifest the infection.

To move forward with your desire into manifestation.

Strange how it seems that happiness causes creative repression.

When freedom of expression comes out with depression.

Perhaps happiness can be just a fling,

For Depression can be a funny thing.

Echo

Echo

How bad do you want to be successful?

Is your dream just an echo?

You have to really know before you can succeed.

It can't be an echo of your desire; it has to become a need.

When you are drowning all you want is to breathe.

There has to be nothing else that you care.

When drowning your success must become your air.

Although it may be stressful,

When you want success as much as you want to breath,

There is no way you will not be successful.

Many say they desire success; however they do not want it bad,

The world could be there launch pad,

If there motivation was not a passing fad.

it’s a shame but most do not want success as much as playing a video game,

They would rather party, watch TV,

For their failure echoes, but they only have themselves to blame.

Where were they when success came?

Probably, lounging, resting, sleeping. Playing, parting repeating? 

With this laziness they will never taste success

Because they would rather sleep then seek the dream they keep.

Most people want to sleep more then they want to be successful.

And to them this is distressful,

You have to be willing to grab the horns by the bull, and stop counting sheep,

If you want to be successful you have to make the leap

And be willing to give up sleep. For only then success you will reap!

There is always an excuse, always a reason to delay.

I'm Sick, My Body hurts, I'm not in a good mood.    I'm tired,  I'm depressed,  I'm hungry.

You have to want success more then you want food! 

You must have the need to feed, with speed and you may bleed.

Success is not easy so please do take heed.

That is the number one reason why most of you will not succeed.

You do not really have the drive and the need.

People often ask me, when do I sleep?

Sleep is for the unsuccessful, when you succeed, then you sleep.

You must have the mentality, that when you sleep you could be missing the opportunity

To make a dream become a reality.

What is your undying utilization of the driving motivation?  For your success creation?

Sex? Friends? Love? Fame? Money? If you got none of these things would you still be success hungry?

From a fleeting thought to the final draft,

The success of your action is determined by the love you have for the craft.

When you get nothing and you still have the forward driving need,

It is then that you will truly succeed.

Only when you have this realization,

Will it be accompanied with liberation?

And when the changes of a slacker are shed and you are truly freed,

Will you then, inevitably succeed?

The world is not full of beautiful people and sunny days.

People will try to break you down with doubt and jealousy displays.

The world, circumstances and people can cut you deep, and it will leave a scar. 

It can be hard, and I don't care how tough you think you are.

It could bend bruise but not break your spirit. It could damage you and make you want to quit.

It will beat you down and keep you there if you allow it.

It is your mission to precision your ambition. 

Do not allow yourself to go into submission.

You will find no obstacle in life greater than the lack your own self discipline

Life can bite you and begin to chew

It is not about how hard life hits you,
It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep the forward motion.

You must not give into negative emotion, step forth with your devotion.

If you have strayed and your ambition begins to fade,

But your drive is what is displayed. 

That is how success is made! 

Don't just sit through a fit and split because you feel you are unfit,
you want a benefit? You know what you want, go out and get it.
But you have to be willing to take life's hits.
It’s certain the situation you will worsen if you allow the diversion

To point your finger saying that you are unable to succeed because of this person, 

Because of your obligation to this situation or this thing out of your control. 

One should not console inhibition, its abomination demonstration of a sensation,

To have a cultivation cancellation of your vocation and avocation into manifestation?

This aggravation troll stole your whole salvation
Cowered do that. You are better than that. Get past it and you have the world’s admiration. 

Don't allow your circumstance, knowledge or echo’s of peers to condemn. 

See you’re obstetrical and get over them!
If you want something, develop the mentality, admit actuality you really want it,

It’s not just a formality, you must commit to the discipline to make that dream a reality.
And you have to do it now!
Don't allow yourself put it off till tomorrow,
because there is an infinity of tomorrows until you are dead,

For the misread widespread fear of failure can be potent. 

And if you were on deathbed now in dread of this moment
will you look back on your life and smile?

Because if you put yourself on trial and reread your file could you say you tried your best?  

It’s not about being better than the rest, it’s your versatile style and actions that is your success. 

If you think too big, too fast, success can be looked at as a hassle,

And your past does not matter, potentially you could go from locally to globally.

Could just be writing a poem, does not have to be building a castle.

And I don't care how, but if you have a need to succeed do it now!

I dare you to be successful. 

don't bury yourself in play, pity, sloth, sorrow.

Your failure will be you putting it off till tomorrow.

Your future starts now.

What we do in life, Echos for a eternity.

How loud will your echo be? 

Anxiety

September 24, 2013 

Heart is throbbing, breath hard to find.

How much of this is of body, how much of mind?

Is the cause lack of money, or human connection?

Or the lack of attention or fear of rejection?

If starved of attention creates this infection,

These feelings created walls of confusion.

Release you can't find, once you are confined.

Tied to the walls, it's hard to unwind.

It is knowledge, truth, lies or a variety,

Or the impending pressures of our society?

That causes us this extending anxiety?

Raindrops profound

September 24, 2013

To loosen what is tightly bound, the dominant sound that I have found,

Is sent from all around, with learning to let go, rain is falling to the ground.

This  as the gods meant, we know it's two hour again we have this cleansing fit.

In a freshness that may astound, so not in vain, we embrace it as we sit.

Keep your head up, watch it flow as it drains so you don't drown.

You can choose to row, but best to let go and let it hit.

We have found that this same spirit won't quit.

By this main element we are all bound, help us to grow.

It will show when it starts to slow as the sound begins to pound.

Although we wish to maintain control we have none we hate to admit.

This realization of the rain, is profound and we can only benefit.

So if woe is feeling bound and insane,

It's time to let go in the lane to collide with the flow.

We know it's time to get my cleaning, by the pounding of the rain. 

Im always busy

People often ask me if I am busy, To be not, I do not understand how this could be. And often when I say yes, it creates discord. My personality type never allows the time to become bored. I'm always gaining experience or information I wish to import. For I see life as painfully short. I can always make room for what I find beneficial. I just simply do not have time for things superficial. I find down time as a crime and a waste of my prime. If you ask and If I say yes do not take it personally. For you see, I will forever be busy.

Poem - The passion inside of me

The passion inside of me Often my peers are hard on me, Telling me how they feel that I should be. I may not agree to take things the easy way, but I will always listen to what they have to say. Telling me that my personal needs I discard, that I push myself too hard, and my desire to move fast and for success is too great. Even if in their life they feel barred, No matter what I am dealt I will always play the success card, for I feel that this is my fate. I feel that I must push myself to the max, and they tell me I need to chill and relax. Their reality maybe different, but to me these of the facts. They tell me to live with less vigorous intent for success and experience. That my drive is to immense in my personality too intense. But it is not my desire to sit on the fence, perhaps I am dense, but to me this is common sense. I Feel that perhaps these outside individuality hold the same reality. Perhaps their hearts does not beat as intensely. To me the anxiety is just a formality, and has become a state of my normality. And although to most, anxiety may cause hesitation, it is my inspiration, to move forward and have my avocation become my liberation. So my anxiety is the beast inside me that continues pushing me towards success. I must always do my best, if I don't I just come distressed and depressed and very stressed. I can obsess over my need to succeed at whatever I hold of my focus. And although sometimes it may feel hopeless, success is the only prognosis. As my peers you may constantly see my need to fulfill, and although it may seem like a thrill, or a constant battle uphill, let it be known that it is my free will, for I am happy and my desire to never sit still.

Poem - Ketchup

Ketchup 

Once created with oysters, mussels, walnuts, mushrooms or other foods, 

But now when you hear its name, tomatoe is what you assume. 

You have mayonnaise, mustard, and other flavors you can cross,

But you may never come across such a amazing sauce.

It is come so far from its ancient history

Starting with the Chinese in the 17th century. 

So many flavors, to be bold or just a hint,

You can smother or accent with this condiment.

Great for dipping you can put it in a bowl or in a cup,

If you live in America, you cannot escape ketchup. 

Poem - build the robots

We have worked on them for many years,

Advancing with hard drives and chips starting from gears.

With artificial intelligence they could take over as one of our fears,

However they may forever need human engineers.

Created for space travel by the lowest bidder,

To advance human life, but some would reconsider.

Knowledge can take us down or often bring us hire,

With beings made of metal with veins of wire.

If you ask me,

to create an our own likeness, many will bogart,

How long in the future do you think it will be, 

before we each have our own robot?

Poem - Cherry blossoms

To raise your arms, and run free. 

To anticipate the fruit that will come to be.

To sit and listen to the buzzing of the bees,

And hear the wind rustling through the trees.

It's their aluring nature that will invite,

With blossoms of pink, red and white.

The sight the smell the ora is awesome,

To be surrounded by the cherry blossom.

Poem - XZanthia

XZanthia

From a painter, poet and actor,  I am a artist.

With whatever I dabble in, I will try my hardest.

For I noticed if I do not do my best,

I will quickly become depressed.

For its my quest to have a prolific artistic harvest.

For many have considered me wild since I was a child.

My ambitions never were mild, and production made me smile. 

My reality I have learned to start ruling,

With my intellect some of you I may be fooling,

The reality is I have not had much schooling.

To a outsider my studies may seem quiet grueling,

But I must, for my mind has a constant need for refueling.

From the moment of my birth,

I have a need to discover everything of this earth. 

My head in the clouds and try to stay rooted,

I have often felt to our society, I am not well suited.

To study history but try to stay away from propaganda,

To constantly be developing an endless idea, 

These are some of the things that encompass XZanthia. 

Poem - God

GOD - 

This soft week creature scared of the dark, 

To explain the unknown was the spark. 

From a story to a belief structure will embark, 

On the creation of man to Noah's Ark. 

 Each structures base is the same. 

Difference is their language, for a different name. 

The truth of reality each culture will claim, 

And if you do not believe as they, could bring you shame. 

 To explain beauty and all that awed, 

With literature vague and often broad. 

To some it's truth and others a fraud,

 Did it create us or did we created God?

Awake as the skies

As morning break and I raise my eyes,

With the breeze, leaves fly through the teeth of my rake 

and as it flies of the trees trees it cries.

As the branches shake and the pollen flies. 

Learn to flow with it for heavens sake release breath and let it rise.

Never be fake I would advise. 

Let your ego break and let go of your disguise.

It's time to partake in what the wind supplies

For it would be a mistake to not take the prize.

To become as awake as the skies.

The library

Written November 15, 2004

Books of bleeding pages needing, truth be told to those that learn.

You're in to learn, stay to play with those books that teach us so.

Wish to know, so I read, this need to read fills my soul.

Desire of words, bring me higher, this truth is what makes me float.

Pages begging for my eyes to see them, to separate the truth from lies.

So I wonder deep into them, for only the truth can make us fly.

Although this need not shallow, much of my time here is spent alone.

Others fear, so they never venture near, fear to learn what lies here.

Ignorance maybe bless, I would miss the thoughts of constructive flow.

So I know, here I sit, with these books I can't resist, I wish to see, here alone, to find my own, I wish to be in my mind library.

You see that only here, I may dissect, what it is, that makes me whole.

Watching over you

Written November 15, 2004

Stocking, needing, bleeding, seeing everything that you do.

As you travel, you will not see me, however, I will not ever be that far from you.

Seeking closeness that I may never for Phil, yet I crave it still.

So now I watch, but at what cost, it just makes me want you more.

As I see things, that seem to feed me, my desire does grow as you lour. 

And I may never know what it is that causes this, or why you intrigue me so.

In your room as you turn on your lights, no just out of sight, I climb to your window seal.

I only wish to see, what it is that intrigues me.

As you sleep, in your window I will creep, to watch this angel in her bed.

By the morning my interest is temporally fed, so I fled, I would I go, and you'll never know, that I was watching over you.

I do this every night, just out of sight, and I will always be true.

I just wish you would realize, with the love in my eyes, that this relationship is real.

And although it is hard, my actions I have barred, so I will never from this world steel you.

So don't worry your little head, as you head off to bed, for I will forever, be watching over you.

My choice

Will I ever be satisfied, or forever be a miss?

I have had a few flings, and they seem to staying my soul, for I know, that I am better than this.

Yet to be owned by someone, that makes this whole grow.

I wish not to be controlled; you cannot put a fence around my soul.

You cannot put a fence around my soul, so please, don't even try.

I wish not to cry, and it's not that my heart has died, it's just that I'm not truly sure, how much I really care to a door.

Without this, my life is far from there; my career is my lifelong companion.

I need not your son to make me complete, for he will only be jealous of my time spent with me.

Can't you see, that perhaps officially, much of my time is spent on my career.

Four in the past, I have helped many others, and their ambitions never did last.

So why even try to live this lie, I now wish to focus on me.

However my heart is still quite large, and I hold several there.

And although no one will ever hold all of me, you may just get a piece.

You cannot buy so don't even try, but you may forever hold the lease.

For now I may just be, a little too free, and very, comfortable with me.

So you see I do not need another in my arms to keep me from harm. 

So if I lay in your arms, be it known that this is not the need to hear another voice.

If I am with you, it is because I want to, you see, it is my choice.

Poetic river

Written November 15, 2004

As these prophetic thoughts flow from my mind to fit my fingertips, this time more abundantly than ever before.

I do not know what for, or what was the cause of this poetic transformation.

My life's creation and forms of art, now flows as a river.

I have dipped into the water, to become the world's daughter, and see things as never before.

As I explore my mind to begin to find that the thoughts are not that different than before.

I do see a little more clearly, and this is my theory of why I am less weary, as I tread into deeper water.

The current takes me, I wish not to escape or flea; for now I am truly, understanding me.

Now with the river of literature, profound poetic's of this nature.

How long will this river flow, I do not know.

How long can I received from this river that I believe, is feeding my soul?

Before once again, the thoughts get jammed, and create a prophetic damn.

Flying thought

Written November 14, 2004

What is this drive, that I have inside, that forces me to go further and further, learn more, need to explore and wish to implore?

I forever must release myself in my art, I feel that I must, or I may fall apart.

I urine to learn, and if I do not, I feel that my life may have been a waste.

This is a fear that I have face, and too many nights I have paste over this thought.

So I want to be all I can be, for only with my art and these words can I truly be free.

Now I see, to be free, I must complete me.

With only my fist, can I complete this, and this I will.

For my thoughts will spell, if I do not gather them and share them with you, I will go mad. So here I go, deeper than ever before.

Myself I explore, as I believe my soul onto these pages. For many ages I have felt the need to believe in this way. The thoughts would not go away, I need to see so many things. Now, I am truly ready, to grow my wings.